...As seen via 2 Girls & A Dream....advice that is often easier said than done, but so true. I try to instill this in my two teens (and my lovelies) this attitude - the more attention we give the "crap givers" the more crap they tend to dole out to us. Sometimes it works for them, other times they fall into that "poor me, they're picking on me" funk. But I'm here to snap them back into reality, as it is much easier to dole out the advice and admonitions than it is to apply it, right?Ten years ago I was the people pleaser, little Miss Helpful. My first teaching position had really allowed me to grow, creatively and spiritually, and I became the giver...always there to share supplies and advice. Well, this was not accepted by the "experienced" staff members of my new school, who took my helpfulness to mean that I thought I was better and knew more. I was often mocked & deemed an overachiever - little barbs were thrown out and eventually it wore me down - or rather I allowed it to wear me down.
I'd like to say that I overcame their nonsense and triumphed (she says as she marches the hallways singing "We will overcome," NOT) but I spent six (LONG) years in this (work) environment and not only did I learn (upon leaving and moving 1200 miles away) that they were not worth sacrificing my time & energy for but also that maybe they chose to bring me down because of something within them, that it really wasn't about me. But it's not as easy to see that when you are in the thick of things & my feelings were hurt, I stressed, I worried and ultimately I let my naysayers win.
I wasn't able to "see" their motives because I allowed their crap-slinging to bring me down. I chose to entertain their nonsense and didn't ignore it...it often makes me wonder how different things would have been if I had learned to ignore and overcome. But then I wouldn't be where I am now, physically and mentally and I am pretty damn content (happy too, but comfortable in my own skin, with the me I have become). So...
Fast forward to the present, where I attempt to only keep myself surrounded by like-minded people. I still help but have learned to do so when it comes from MY heart, not what I believe others will want to see or hear from me. I use humor to mask irritation, hurt & disgust. Those that know me and know me well understand that this is just ME and isn't a lack of caring but rather caring too much - but it can be off-putting and can become an obstacle in my building relationships. Note: I've ALWAYS been this way, using humor to mask, and that has really been a source of contention for some people...I think it is genetic, therefore incurable, so they can learn to accept or move on, right?
My pleasing is done for family & friends first and even then I am truly lacking...and the lovelies that I work so diligently to help become successful & productive citizens of our society. As a matter of fact, I am a proponent of my lovelies to a fault & the needs of my friends and family follow behind - I'm not proud, just honest. So...
This leads to the question I posed yesterday via my Superior Nonsense FB page, "How do you see people?" This question was posed at church - we'd attended a new one, just to check it out, and I believe that we were there for a reason - simply to hear this question & reflect upon it...especially since D & K were like "mmm, we like the other church (which we've been attending for the past six months) better."
But in reflecting on this question, it made me realize that I don't spend enough time seeing the true potential in people. I often see them through my teacher eyes: are they going to help or hinder progress. I see complainers as hinderers and I see go-getters as helpers...yet not every body fits into these two categories and I am learning that I am short-changing them and myself from getting to know some potentially cool people. And even then, not only am I missing out on some great friendships, but they are missing out because they don't get to know me & my kick arse-self, right?
Moral of the story: Ignore the crap disher-outers and be true to you and what you believe in. Oh, and hug your friends and family for putting up with your crazy arse. Peace out my homies!
