Oops, I Think I Made a Mistake...

Happy Sunday and hello to the eve of the work week.  I have had a wonderful week filled with family and relaxation - both over due and just what the proverbial doctor ordered!  And during this time of peace and tranquility (with a wee bit of retail therapy) I've been able to think, re-think, and come to a conclusion that has been difficult to admit but necessary...for the sake of my sanity.  Don't get me wrong, I embrace my inner crazy (normal is boring, in my honest opinion), but not to the point where my inner crazy becomes an all encompassing, full-time ready for the loony bin crazy.  We all have limits.

First of all, the first step in handling a problem is admitting that you actually have a problem - and obviously I do have a wee bit of a problem.  I am the type of person that embraces change, especially when it comes to professional growth...and moving, I love to move to new places...but that's not what we're talking about here.  Now when I say I embrace change, I'm not talking about tiny little changes like tasting new foods (not too daring in this department) or trying out a new haircut (too daring in this department).  We're talking whoppers, huge changes that have lasting effects on not only myself, but my family as well. I mean, what the hell, go big or go home, right?

So, in the last post I mentioned my new job, media coordinator.  Now THAT has been a change, a change that has certainly affected myself & my poor family.  Poor family?  Yes, my poor family are always subjected to my schemes.  In retrospect I should have been a  lawyer (or a sales person, but the former sounds more lucrative) because I can plead my case, no matter how foolish or spontaneous it may be, swaying my audience (family and close friends) to go along with my whackadoo ideas & opinions.  I am grateful that they believe in me enough to support me but I'm thinking that maybe I need to tone down my enthusiasm a bit and let them truly give me their opinion.  After sharing my "hard sell" tactic, I always ask "What do you think?" and they usually respond with 'sounds great' or 'you'll be great at whatever you do.'  Hmm...how have I never noticed that they always tell me what I WANT to hear?!  Wow, I am slow on the draw - I have become one of those people where others tell me what I want to hear so I will SHUT UP!!  (head in hands, shaking my head).

D says that I suffer from "the grass is always greener" syndrome - see new fabulous vocabulary word below as it totally describes my true issue, just saying.  But before I explain his theory, let me clarify one thing: my "changes" are always work related.  I love dear D and my girls and really work diligently to make sure that my schemes are really only going to affect me...but I'm not always so successful with that since I can be a touch dramatic...not Academy Award winning dramatic, but enough where my emotions can  cause my family to ask "Have you taken your happy pill?" or "Could you take another?"  So, when I came home saying "Hey, our school needs a new media coordinator and I think I would LOVE that job," they didn't know what to say except 'okay (mom/honey), you'd be a great librarian.'  No questions, no "are you sure?"

Long story short: I interview, I'm offered the job (with a pay cut that I minimize because I just know that I'm going to LOVE this job), I take the job...and now, fifteen days later I'm like 'WOW, this is so not me."  What?!  Yes, you read that correctly, I am not digging the new job and have formally asked to go back to the classroom.  A big ol' slice of humble pie, sliced, served and EATEN my friends.  I'm not sure if it's my age (read: wisdom) or the fact that I truly dislike the job, but I am totally comfortable with changing my mind, i.e. admitting that I was wrong.  But in my favor, I've held a job of some sort for the past 28 years, and in that time period I've only had two other jobs that I despised...an office clerk for a maritime law lawyer (HORRIBLE) and an assembly line worker in the "clean room" of a factory that packaged the toys for cereal boxes (monotonous but fun co-workers).  So, my friends, life is too short to not do something that you are passionate about and I am passionate about teaching.  Bam, simple as that...

Over due...

It has been well over a week since my last post and while I am feeling slightly guilty, I'm feeling a bit uninspired.  I think it is the extreme physical exhaustion that has taken over me.  The new job...careful what you wish for, right?  

Here's the deal, I've been a classroom teacher for thirteen years and each year has been special, unique and wonderful, all in their own way.  My first three years were idyllic...so perfect it was almost wrong.  Wrong?  Because it spoiled me - nothing has really compared since those first three fun-filled years.  But overall, they've all been filled with awesome students and their families and a ton of learning experiences - theirs and mine.  The majority of my co-workers have been pretty damn cool too...there is always an exception to the rule, but in thirteen years I can honestly say that only one could be labeled as a the straw that could always break this camel's back.  Not bad for four different schools, four different grade levels, hundreds of students and a butt-load of co-workers, right?

But the time has come to move on and I have...I am now a media coordinator, i.e. school librarian.  Librarian...not the most attractive job title is it?  Because most of us are probably envisioning a cardigan clad older woman with spectacles, knee-length skirt and comfortable shoes.  Ah shit, that is me...44 isn't a spring chicken, I do wear glasses and my most recent hair-do isn't exactly setting any trends.  And we won't even discuss the denim skirt, wiener dog blouse, and Sperry's, all worn TODAY!  Oh no, have I just left the classroom for my twilight years dream job?!  

No, because I cannot go there.  I may be in my 40's but I'd have to say that I feel younger today than I have in a long time...is it younger or just more confident?  Potato, potah-toe, who cares, right?  Now, we will not factor in the extreme exhaustion at the end of the day, the back pain and crows feet...I DO feel younger (damn it!).  Who cares that I am now willingly taking supplements, drink a bazillion ounces of water (which means I don't sleep through the night!) and have a green smoothie for breakfast every morning (with flax seed to make me, you know, regular)?  Heck, I'd have done all of that at age 23, if it would have been popular.  

Aww, who am I fooling?  Aging is not fun, it is not easy, but the wisdom that I've gained throughout the years...totally worth it.  Now, time to hit the sack or this old girl will not get to read her book before she nods off;-)