Friday, January 31, 2014

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to Work I Go...

Or not...Third snow/icy road day for the students of our county yet some genius decided that the school district employees should report to work on a two hour delay.  Hmm, what made them think that roads too treacherous to navigate by a big ass school bus were safe enough for me to traverse with my SUV?  Did they not realize that my lil' ol' Highlander was going to glide on through like Gretzky on his home rink?  Wow, did I just date myself with that reference...anyhoo, being born and raised a Yooper* I was up for the challenge.  Let's not worry too much that my family truckster needs new tires - I mean how bad can it be, we live in Northeastern North Carolina?  Note: I had not been further than my back deck in four days, clueless would be an understatement.

Fast forward...cocky like someone who KNOWS a thing or two about snow, I back out of the driveway and immediately realize that I don't know what the hell I am doing.  Visions of backing into the ditch at the end of the driveway fill my belly with fear - oh hell no, not again (a story to be shared at a later time).  But still confident that I can do it, I slowly sneak down the drive - if you were to have an aerial view of my driveway you may compare it to a big ol' bargain bottle of wine, very wide up near the garage, narrowing down to the neck...a neck that has a ditch on each side.  I successfully escape the driveway, my confidence slowly but surely seeping out of my cocky ass, when I start hearing the song "Slip Sliding Away" running through my frazzled brain.

I get out of my cul-de-sac (don't judge) and daringly (5 mph) pull out into the street when I quickly realize that I will lose control of this bitch if I go over 15 miles per hour.  Half a block later and I know that I do not have the balls to get across town, much less out of the freaking neighborhood.  But now that I am already out I don't want to look like a jackass and turn around.  Solution?  Cruise around the neighborhood and stop to take a picture of the sun shining on the icy road - you know, you need proof, right?  I don't want to look like a wuss - I'm a Yooper damn it, winter is in my D N-freakin' A!

What my dumb ass didn't realize is that none of the snow in the streets (5-7 inches) had not been plowed, driven on or melted, and with the little bit of rain we'd received the night before it had turned to slick as snot ice. Traveling at a record breaking speed of 15 mph, I safely made it back to my driveway, walked into my house to be greeted by K who yells out, 'Yay! Mommy is home.' and then turns to me and says, 'I knew you wouldn't be gone long.'  Total time out: eight nerve racking minutes of my life - and I didn't even leave the neighborhood.

BTW - I actually worked from home, no bs-ing.  Thank God for technology, thank God.

*A Yooper is an awesome person who has had the privilege of being born and raised anywhere in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan - must be north of the Mackinac Bridge, as those living below the bridge are referred to as Trolls.

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