Friday, January 2, 2015

Exercise Anyone?

Happy New Year, 2015 is here & it's time to get the show on the road.  And by show I mean get my dead arse off of the sofa and get back to exercising.  Now friends, I am 45 and although I proclaim to be trapped in a 30 year old woman's body, it is NOT in the condition of an actual 30 year old woman.  

Gravity has taken over and there is no going back...although how cool would that be, just rolling that shite up and stuffing it back into its original place?  

 Jumping rope, an excellent workout: quick, convenient & minimal skill needed (especially if done in the comfort of your own home as no one would be around to see you make a total jackarse of yourself - i.e. tangled in the rope, tripping, falling on your face, unable to jump more than twice consecutively...not that I've done any of THAT!).

But there is the issue of the peri-menopausal woman...we can't freely jump rope, no matter how skilled or cardiovascularly fit we may be! Why, you may ask? Too many hot flashes, you say? Hell no, it's all about incontinence people! While I believe in the benefits of Poise pads (sorry to the 12% of dudes following this page), I do NOT want to HAVE to use them DAILY and for those of you that know my "issues" (ssssshhhh, I know there are many) I cannot hop consecutively, period, because this would be the internal monologue:

Me: (hop) Damn! (dribble)

Me: (hop) Oh shit! (dribble dribble)

Me: (hop, hop) Mother F'r! (runs to the nearest bathroom to change "shield")

And so, I can knock off "spokesperson for Poise pads" off of my list for potential jobs...


  1. Please do not omit the gas factor!

    (Jump) Wind! (Jump) Wind!

    At least "Poise" is poised.

    Just saying.

  2. Big Daddy says I sound like a Model T Ford when I walk, so that would be an added factor is well! Thanks for the reminder Michelle, lmao

  3. haha!! I am so glad I am not the only one who can not 1. jump rope to save my life and 2. find an exercise that does not cause major injuries or to pee on myself!! That includes laughing and sneezing!